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Who Will I Kill?, also known as Whom Shall I Kill? is a song from the episode Samson vs. the Vampire Women. This is sung by Dr. Forrester after he discovers that Frank is gone.

Lyrics[]

[On the Satellite: Mike, Tom, and Crow standing around. Light flashes.]


MIKE: Uh, oh. Uh, that's got to be Forrester.


[Deep 13: Forrester is obviously distraught]


DR. FORRESTER: Oh, Mike. I can't find Frank anywhere. He never stays out this late, what with his fear of halogen. I've checked everywhere: The DQ, the sewage treatment plant, all his usual hangouts. Nothing! I'm just terribly afraid that he's gone and he's never coming back. And if I cared one iota, I would be devastated. If I cared....


MIKE: Oh, boy, the boss is always the last to know, huh? Well, you see Sir, our time here on Earth is but a passing thing--


CROW: He was assumed by the angel Torgo in a glorious coronation!


TOM: Well, it was kind of a cosmic Torgo. You see, his mission as a second banana was… ah, uh, and you were kind of mean, so they, uh....


MIKE: Well, there was a fortune which foretold something about something, and then, well, Gabby Hayes is heavily involved.


CROW: Anyway, he's not comin' back.


MIKE: Sorry!


DR. FORRESTER: Wait, I can't imagine. I shan't! Because it isn't true! But it is. Oh, this sucks! [piano music starts] Who will be my guinea pig for my gene splicing? My fingernail transplants? My fajita? Who will I blame my mistakes on? Who will I -- who will I kill?


I've destroyed and I've maimed and I've kicked him.

Now I'm a bully with no victim.

No adrenaline thrill,

No screams that are shrill,

Who, who will I kill?


I've crushed his head a few times,

Memories like nursery rhymes.

No one died like my TV's Frank.

No sweet blood to distill,

No cute tummy to drill,

Who, who will I kill?


When I look upon

The first evening star,

I remember when I hooked his liver

To the engine of my car.


I could tickle my Aunt Lil,

Give my dog a cyanide pill,

But what Frank-shaped void

Could they possibly fill?


Here's my money, you can bank it,

I'm no good without my Frank. It

Seems he would die

Without batting an eye.


Now it seems

I must take

My own bitter pill.

Tell me who, who will I kill?


[spoken, as music ends] Goodbye Frank! And remember, wherever you are, I WILL KILL YOU!


[Back on the Satellite:]


TOM: Huh...


MIKE: In a sick way, I feel touched.


CROW & TOM: [mumbled] Yeah...


MIKE: We'll be right back.

Trivia[]

  • In the final episode of Season 10, the first few notes of this song can be heard when the screen fades to white after the Satellite of Love crashes in Wisconsin.
    • In a sense, this means that Who Will I Kill is the only song from the Comedy Central era to also appear in the Sci-Fi Channel era, and that this is the final song to ever be played on the show during it's original run.



Songs
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Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K "O Tannenbot" • "Theme to Fugitive Alien" • "Has-Been Actors" • Joel's military cadence
Season 1 "Beverly Hillbillies Parody" • "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "I'm a Hu-Man"
Season 2 "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "My Creepy Girl" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "I Like What I Know About You" • "Joey the Lemur" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Season 3 "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Waffle Song" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" • "Master Ninja Theme Song" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song"
Season 4 "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Killer Shrew" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Happy Thoughts" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Hired!"
Season 5 "What a Pleasant Journey" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "The Janitor Song" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Mystos" • "The Greatest Frank of All"
Season 6 "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" • "Square Dance" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "Tom Servo's Theme Song" • "Crow T. Robot's Theme Song" • "Mike Nelson's Theme Song" • "The United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!: "I'm the Government" / "I'm the Crime Bill" / "Government Gridlock" / "The Foreign Policy Blues" • "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Who Will I Kill?"
Season 7 "Phones" • "Leave Bronx"
Season 8 "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms" • "The Funky Seventies" • "The Gods Jam" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love"
Season 9 "Pumaman" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • "Hobgoblins" • "The Canada Song" • "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Air on a Delta Knight"
Season 10 "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "The Ballad of Goosio" • "To Earth"
Season 11 "Every Country Has a Monster" • "Our Love Is on Wings (You Can't See)" • "UFO" • "The Great Space Circus" • "Aloha" • "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ Theme" • "The Magic in You" • "Push Past the Hurting (When a Movie Hurts Too Much)
Season 12 "Get in Your Mech" • "Trippy Blob" • "Concepts!" • "Below the Dam" • "There's a Cut on My Hand and a Pain in My Heart" • "Your Horrible Show (Your Show Stinks)"
Season 13 "Perico March" • "Mother Crabber" • "Sing a Song for Jiger" • "Supervillainesses" • "Monster RSVP" • "Hooray for Santa Claus" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
Additional "Satellite of Love" • "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robots Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "#BringBackMST3K Theme" • "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme" • "Teen Reporter, Tom Servo"
Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIClowns in the Sky I & IIMST3K: The ReturnSongs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3KThe Complete Clowns in the SkyMST3K Seasons 12 + 13
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