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To Earth

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To Earth! is the last original song ever premiered on Mystery Science Theater 3000, shown in the second-to-last host segment of the last episode, Diabolik.

Mike, Gypsy and Tom are looking forward to landing on Earth. However, Crow is frightened at the prospect of life outside the Satellite of Love, and in his fear wedged himself under the desk. However, to calm him down, Mike wrote the following song about the wonders of Earth:


Mike: I know it's hard to leave
This little satellite of ours
We've had some fine adventures
We've danced among the stars

Gypsy: [spoken] We did?

Mike: And though we're far-out space nuts
No matter where I roam
There's just no other planet
Like the planet I call home

Servo: [spoken] Wisconsin?

Mike: [spoken] No... actually, I was thinking --

To Earth!
The very birthplace of my birth
The though of Earth fills me with mirth

Servo: Hey, maybe we'll meet Colin Firth!

Mike: That is a possibility.

To see
The blossoms on an apple tree

Gypsy: To wander barefoot by the sea

Servo: And slice your heel upon a broken bottle of Lipton iced tea!

Mike: [spoken] Come on, clam it, shorty. You're not helping.

Crow: The earth's a big and scary place
With wars and crime and death

Servo: [spoken] It is?

Crow: They listen to Shawn Mullins
And Alanis Morissette

Servo: [spoken] Oh, no!

Crow: This satellite has been my home
I've never known another
Where will I live, what will I do,
And can I keep my mother?

Mike: [spoken] Absolutely.

(Mike produces Crow's mother from under the desk -- a popcorn popper with a drawn-on face attached to a wire trash basket.)

Crow: [spoken] Mom!

Then it's to earth we'll go to stay.

Gypsy: Through sylvan glens we'll romp and play!

Servo: But what if I get eaten
By a dog, or by a mantaray?

Crow, Mike, and Gypsy: Let's go

Servo: But there's so much that we don't know

Crow, Mike, and Gypsy: We're Gypsy, Servo, Mike, and Crow!

Servo: I'm scared of water buffalo!

Crow, Mike, Gypsy: Exotic lands we'll come to know

Servo: We'll all get mobbed in Chicago

Crow, Mike, Gypsy: We'll bid this satellite farewell
And then we'll go to Earth

Servo: Well, now I think I'd rather stay

Crow, Mike, Gypsy: To Earth!

Servo: I wish to hell you wouldn't say...

Crow, Mike, Gypsy, Servo: To Earth!


The song succeeds in its intended purpose, and Crow is now thrilled to be venturing to Earth. However, Servo is now frightened by the prospect of Earth, and wedges himself under the desk in fear. Mike laments that he will have to write another song.

Songs edit
"MST3K Love Theme" • "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "My Creepy Girl" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop" • "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Michael Feinstein's Gamera" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "The Waffle Song" • "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "A Patrick Swayze Christmas" • "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Hired!" • "What a Pleasant Journey" • "The Janitor Song" • " Killer Shrews" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Joey the Lemur" • "Master Ninja Theme Song" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Beverly Hillbillies Parody" • "The Greatest Frank of All" • "Happy Thoughts" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • "Square Dance" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Who Will I Kill?" • "Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!" • "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolken Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms" • " Puma Man" • "The Funky Seventies" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love" • "Mystos" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • "Hobgoblins" • "The Canada Song" • "Phones" • "Air on a Delta Knight" • "The Gods Jam" • "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "To Earth" • "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robot's Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater" • " Satellite Of Love"

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