It's 1962 in southern California. Ambitious physician Dr. Bill Cortner (Jason Evers) is a 40-year-old intern who plays by his own rules. "Nothing is beyond my control" he boasts.
Cortner has been secretly laboring to perfect the transplantation of limbs using parts poached from the morgue at the hospital where he works. His father, also a surgeon, covers for him. Nurse Jan (Virginia Leith) is his lovely assistant and bride-to-be.
Bill's got a private lab in the country. One Friday, he receives an urgent summons at work from his assistant and experimental subject, Kurt. Dr. Bill and Jan race at top speed to the lab in his convertible. In a crash, Bill is thrown from the car, unhurt. Jan is decapitated, yet curiously still able to stretch an arm out dramatically towards Bill's face as she falls into unconsciousness.
Bill takes Jan's head from the flaming Ford and races to his lab where he installs it in a lasagna pan filled with his brand-new transplant solution. Mirabile dictu, it seems that all you need to perfectly perfuse a brain is a couple of beakers, some 1/4 inch glass tubing, a pan of combination anti-rejection serum/artificial blood/cerebrospinal fluid and osmotic pressure. Jan will survive for fifty hours, he estimates, time enough to secure her a new body - and move medicine forward by light years!
Confident that Jan's head will be fine without his personal medical supervision, he returns to the city and searches for a host body; he visits a strip club, cruises the boulevards, and attends a beauty contest. His lips twist with desire as he ogles the paraded flesh, while a sexophone wails a sleazy accompaniment and the camera weaves drunkenly.
Back at the lab, Jan plans Bill's comeuppance. She's miffed at not being allowed to expire with dignity and she lets lab assistant Kurt know it. It seems she has also acquired paranormal powers. She can communicate telepathically with and issue commands to another of Bill's creations - an unspeakable, mutated mass of grafted tissues that resides in a locked closet.
Meanwhile, Bill discovers a suitable host in the form of "Doris", a misanthropic, facially disfigured photographer's model from his past. He reels her in with his oily charm, promising to "erase her scar... sanding away damaged skin tissues" - a revolutionary approach to cosmetic surgery. Once he has her at the lab, he plies her with drugged liquor and prepares to operate, over Jan's strident objections.
Will the hellish healer prevail in his plans? Can the sinister sawbones succeed with murder? Will Jan be denied a humane death and forced to continue life... as a monstrosity? And what of the thing in the closet?
Information
Eddie Carmel, who played the giant pinhead mutant, was billed at 8’ 9” tall, though he was likely at least one foot shorter. He toured with Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey, billed as “The Jewish Giant” and “The World’s Greatest Giant.”
Prologue: It’s Mike’s first day on the SOL and the ‘Bots have been giving him training on the finer points of riffing. Sid Melton = Little Monkey Boy.
Invention: Mike’s first invention is the Gutter-bumbershoot, an umbrella with a gutter system. The Mads are not impressed. In Deep 13, Dr. F invents the Dream Buster, which allows him to pop the balloons of bratty children from a safe distance. Mike and the Bots are unimpressed, as Dr. F manhandles Frank.
"I'm your mother now, Frank!"
Segment Two: The Bots aid Mike in attempting to gain control of the ship and get back to Earth. He ends up cutting the cheese compressor line. Gypsy hollers, "That's not cheese!"
Segment Three: It's craft time as Mike and the Bots are making hats for Jan in the Pan, the bodiless lady in the film. Included in the hats is a Crown Roast Hat, to help give the illusion of height, and the Lazy Susan Hat for use at dinner parties.
Segment Four: When discussing the depressing nature of the film, Mike is compelled to tell an embarrassing childhood story about a walk-a-thon. The story includes a long walk home, an ice cream cone and a locked bathroom door.
Mary Jo Pehl as Jan in the Pan
Segment Five: Mike and the Bots don’t read letters because none are addressed to Mike, and they are visited by Jan in the Pan. She has an incredible sense of humor until Mike offends her. In Deep 13, Dr. Forrester decides to lop off Frank's head.
Stinger: Unpleasant Stripper: "Who's to tell me to blow if I don’t want to?"
Tom says the bots had Mike watch The Beast of Yucca Flats in preparation for this film. The Beast of Yucca Flats would be an experiment the next year.
Mike's other training film was Night of the Lepus. While they never riffed on it during Mystery Science Theater's run; Mike would be back later to riff it on Rifftrax.
In this episode, we find out the reason Tom has to be carried into the theater: there's an air grate just outside the entrance that he can't hover over. Mike has to go back and get him after he comes in the first time.
Quotes & References
(deep voice) "But for Joseph Green, there would be another film."
A parody of NFL Films oft-used phrase: "But for the Green Bay Packers would come another season."
"License plate? A boot? Tricycle wheel? This man was a bottom feeder!"
A reference to the "shark autopsy" scene from Jaws.
[Tom buzzes when Dr. Cortner touches the patient's brain.]
A reference to the popular electric board game Operation.
"It's 'Gnip Gnop'."
Gnip Gnop (ping pong spelled backwards) was a toy/game released by Parker Brothers in the early 1970s.
"Luke, join me or star in Corvette Summer!"
Corvette Summer was a 1978 film starring Mark Hamill. Also a reference to the downturn of Mark Hamill's career following Star Wars.
"You taste like Vince Edwards."
Vince Edwards starred as the hotheaded young brain surgeon in the 60's TV medical series Ben Casey .
"Sylvia Plath, RN."
I have no idea why they made this Sylvia Plath riff --- the woman in question actually resembles Diane Arbus (Perhaps they were getting their "women artists who committed suicide" files mixed up).
A reference to fast-food franchise A&W Restaurants, which in 1963 introduced The Burger Family, which included a Mama Burger, Papa Burger, Teen Burger and Baby Burger.
Sister Bertrille is the main protagonist of the TV series'The Flying Nun'. The riff here is playing off of Jan's head wrap, which resembles a nun's cornette. This riff is also a reference to the 1969 B-movie 'They Saved Hitler's Brain', which also features a living head being kept alive - Hitler's.
[Rough voice] "Boss, you've broken the goofy meter again!"
Diane Arbus was a photographer famous for images of people on the fringes of society, hence the reference to the sleazy strip club. A particularly sweet reference, as one of Arbus' most famous photos featured Eddie Carmel, the giant in this film.
"So, are you a goer? Ay? Ay? Nudge, nudge? Know what I mean?"
