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|503 - Swamp Diamonds|
|Air Date||July 31, 1993|
|MST3K Director||Joel Hodgson|
|AKA|| Cruel Swamp;|
|Movie Director||Roger Corman|
|Cast|| Beverly Garland|
Mike ("Touch") Connors
|Short||What to Do on a Date|
|Preceded by||502 - Hercules|
|Followed by||504 - Secret Agent Super Dragon|
|“||Great, this is like having your mom tell you about sex...||”|
Nick wants to take Kay out on a date, but isn't sure what they'd do. The short offers ideas like taffy pulls and scavenger sales. Nothing says romantic quite like a scavenger sale. Ultimately, all the kids have a wholesomely-celibate-vanilla-white-Eisenhower’s-America good time.
- This short was included on Shorts Vol 2, released by Rhino Entertainment on VHS in October 1999, and on DVD as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Volume 3, a 4-DVD set with The Sidehackers, The Unearthly and The Atomic Brain.
A plucky police woman infiltrates a group of hardened female criminals who are planning to break jail and retrieve their loot of diamonds from its swampy hiding place. Complications arise when the women abduct Connors and begin fighting each other.
- Roger Corman's directorial debut.
- The male lead, "Touch" Connors, would go on to greater success after changing his name and working as Mike Connors. He would star in the oft-references TV series Mannix. His birth name was Krekor Ohanian.
Host SegmentsMads have The U-View, a TV that lets you see what you'd be doing if you weren't at home watching TV. Joel and the Bots come up with the Andrew Lloyd Webber grill, which they gleefully use to burn the scores to Cats, Phantom of the Opera, and Evita, as well as Chess and Annie, even though he didn't write those.
Segment Four: Tom and Gypsy go to a scavenger sale arranged by Joel and Crow. Tom checks in with Joel, who gets carried away making sandwiches. Crow makes a move on Gypsy while Tom is gone.
Segment Five: Servo thinks the date went over well, but a quick call to Gypsy reveals she just wants to be friends. Tom doesn't take it very well as Joel reads a letter from a couple who sends the gang a wedding invitation. In Deep 13, Frank sees more of his life in the U-View, but ends up despairing over his love of Baywatch.
Stinger: "Ssssssssshut up!"
- Assorted Baywatch characters (voices): Michael J. Nelson
- "Oh wow, 'Mackenna's Gold' is on!"
Mackenna's Gold was a 1969 Western movie.
- "Goofus and Gallant?!"
Goofus and Gallant are two characters who regularly appear in the magazine Highlights for Children.
- "...and a human ear."
- "Oooh-oooh, Swamp Diamond..."
Joel is parodying the chorus from the Kiss song "Black Diamond".
- "Son of a gun, gonna have big fun!"
Joel is quoting a line from the Hank Williams song Jambalaya (On the Bayou).
- "Pope Ed Asner!" "Let me kiss your ring, LOUUU."
- "Why am I thinking of Joe Theismann?"
- "The Kids In The Hall escape from prison!"
The Kids in the Hall are an all-male Canadian sketch comedy troupe. They are often identified by their practice of dressing as women to play the female characters in their sketches (though they are hardly the only sketch troupe to have done this).
- "Do you think it's possible the people at Video Watchdog are wrong..."
Video Watchdog is a digest-sized film magazine.
- "Spanish moss in Andalusia..."
- "Beverly can sure handle a "Johnson" can't she?"
A double entendre as Beverly Garland is handling an outboard motor: to which Crow compares the name of Johnson Evinrude Outboard Motors to a more dirty meaning for the name "Johnson."
- "Peace on Earth was all it said...."
- "But Santa? Why are you stealing my gun? Why? Why?"
Parodying and slightly misquoting from How the Grinch Stole Christmas when the Grinch is spotted by Cindy Lou Who as he tries to steal her Christmas tree.
- Commercially released on DVD by Rhino Entertainment August 2006 as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Volume 10, a 4-DVD set with Godzilla vs. Megalon, Teen-Age Strangler and The Giant Spider Invasion, the DVD was later pulled in October 2006 due to rights issues with Godzilla vs. Megalon. The DVD was later re-released as Volume 10.2 in February 2008, with The Giant Gila Monster replacing the Godzilla film, the DVD was pulled again in January 2010 due to Rhino no longer obtaining the rights to distribute MST3K.
|preceded by: Season 4||MST3K Season 5||followed by: Season 6|
|1993 - 1994|
|501||Warrior of the Lost World||1993-07-24||509||The Girl in Lovers Lane||1993-09-18||517||Beginning of the End||1993-11-25|
|502||Hercules||1993-07-17||510||The Painted Hills||1993-09-26||518||The Atomic Brain||1993-12-04|
|504||Secret Agent Super Dragon||1993-08-07||512||Mitchell||1993-10-23||520||Radar Secret Service||1993-12-18|
|505||The Magic Voyage of Sinbad||1993-08-14||513||The Brain That Wouldn't Die||1993-10-30||521||Santa Claus||1993-12-24|
|506||Eegah||1993-08-28||514||Teen-Age Strangler||1993-11-07||522||Teen-Age Crime Wave||1994-01-15|
|507||I Accuse My Parents||1993-09-04||515||The Wild Wild World of Batwoman||1993-11-13||523||Village of the Giants||1994-01-22|
|508||Operation Double 007||1993-09-11||516||Alien from L.A.||1993-11-20||524||12 to the Moon||1994-02-05|