Entertainment
 

Swamp Diamonds

From MST3K

503 - Swamp Diamonds
Air Date July 31, 1993
AKA Cruel Swamp;
Swamp Women
Movie Director Roger Corman
Year 1955
Cast Beverly Garland, Carole Mathews, Mike ("Touch") Connors
Short What to Do on a Date
Year 1950
Preceded by 502 - Hercules
Followed by 504 - Secret Agent Super Dragon

Contents

The Short

Synopsis

Jeff wants to take Kay out on a date, but isn't sure what they'd do. The short offers ideas like taffy pulls and scavenger sales. Nothing says romantic quite like a scavenger sale. Ultimately, all the kids have a wholesomely-celibate-vanilla-white-Eisenhower’s-America good time.

Information

The Movie

Synopsis

A plucky police woman infiltrates a group of hardened female criminals who are planning to break jail and retrieve their loot of diamonds from its swampy hiding place. Complications arise when the women abduct Connors and begin fighting each other.[1]

Information

Roger Corman's directorial debut.

The Episode

Host Segments

Prologue: The Bots obsess over the "Spock in Love" episode of Star Trek instead of helping Joel crunch numbers.

Segment One (Invention Exchange): Joel finally snaps the Bots out of it. The Mads have The U-View, letting you watch yourself on television to see what you’d be doing if you were not inside watching television. Joel and the Bots come up with the Andrew Lloyd Webber grill, which they gleefully use to burn the scores to Cats, Phantom of the Opera, and Evita, as well as Chess and Annie, even though he didn't write those.

Segment Two: Tom, inspired by the short, wants to date Gypsy. Joel and Crow ponder if it is a good idea.

Segment Three: Servo calls Gypsy to ask her out and completely screws it up. Gypsy finally agrees, if Servo promises to leave when she tells him she wants to go.

Segment Four: Tom and Gypsy go to a scavenger sale arranged by Joel and Crow. Tom checks in with Joel, who gets carried away making sandwiches. Crow makes a move on Gypsy while Tom is gone.

Segment Five: Servo thinks the date went over well, but a quick call to Gypsy reveals she just wants to be friends. Tom doesn't take it very well as Joel reads a letter from a couple who sends the gang a wedding invitation. In Deep 13, Frank sees more of his life in the U-View, but ends up despairing over his love of Baywatch.

Stinger: "Ssssssssshut up!"

Other Notes

Guest Stars

Video Release

Obscure References

  • "Oh wow, 'Mackenna's Gold' is on!"

Mackenna's Gold was a 1969 Western movie.

  • "Goofus and Gallant?!"

Goofus and Gallant are two characters who regularly appear in the magazine Highlights for Children.

  • "...and a human ear."

A reference to the David Lynch film Blue Velvet, whose plot is set into motion when Kyle MacLachlan's character discovers a severed ear in a field.

  • "Oooh-oooh, Swamp Diamond..."

Joel is parodying the chorus from the Kiss song "Black Diamond".

  • "Why am I thinking of Joe Theismann?"

Joe Theismann was the quarterback for the Washington Redskins until he suffered a career-ending compound fracture during a 1985 game.

  • "Do you think it's possible the people at Video Watchdog are wrong..."

Video Watchdog is a digest-sized film magazine.


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