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324 - Master Ninja II
0324
Air Date January 25, 1992
MST3K Director Michael J. Nelson
AKA The Master (eps. "State of the Union" and "Hostages")
Movie Director Alan Myerson ("State of the Union"); Ray Austin ("Hostages")
Year 1984
Cast Lee Van Cleef
Timothy Van Patten
George Lazenby
Sho Kosugi
Preceded by 323 - The Castle of Fu Manchu
Followed by 401 - Space Travelers


(Later, in Max's van, Carrie drones on and on while Max listens wearily)

You know you're boring when you're boring a Van Patten.

  — Joel


The Movie

Synopsis

Ninjamaster1

In this Master Ninja "movie," the first half deals with the two Ninjas – master (Van Cleef) and apprentice (Van Patten) – helping a cute country girl (Wings' Crystal Bernard) form a union at her warehouse and fight off the corrupt owners. The second segment has the two helping another cute girl and her rich father fight against terrorists who want to do something evil (although exactly what is a mystery). The duo get additional help (including from George Lazenby), defeat terrorists, and rescue some hostages. [1]

Information

See Episode 322

The Episode

Host Segments

Ninjamaster2

The SOL crew show off van ideas

Prologue: Joel and the Bots improv using suggestions from Gypsy (at Cream of Wheat, doing Peter Gabriel and Anger walks in).

Segment One (Invention Exchange): Mads: Conveyor-belt buffet/"Lucy sketch"; Joel and the Bots: Gerbilsphere 2.

Segment Two: The Bots show off their ideas for custom vans.

Segment Three: Crow as General Timothy Van Patton.

Ninjamaster3

Crow as General Timothy Van Patton.

Segment Four: Tom explains how different detective and other crime-fighting type characters should have pets suited to them.

Segment Five: Playing with a Lee Van Cleef foam core dress up doll and reading a letter from a film student. TV's Frank plead the viewers to petition ABC for the return of "The Second Hundred Years."

Stinger: Lee Van Cleef looks smug with a hamster. Not what you think.

Trivia

Callbacks

Obscure References

  • "There's no Kosugi like Sho Kosugi, there's no Kosugi I know."

Parody of "There's No Business Like Show Business" by Irving Berlin.

  • "Do not take the green acid!"

​A misquote ("Do not take the brown acid") of an announcement made at the Woodstock music festival.

  • "Hey look on the wall, it's Milton Berle's netted slingshot briefs."

A reference to the notorious rumor that popular television comedian Milton Berle was exceptionally well-endowed in terms of his masculine equipment.

  • "You're very nosy, kitty kat.  You know what we do to nosy people?"

A reference to a famous scene in the movie Chinatown, in which Jake Gittes, played by Jack Nicholson, gets his nose sliced open with a switchblade by a thug, played by director Roman Polanski.  The scene looks very realistic, leading to the legend that Polanski really did slice Nicholson's nose.  Both Polanski and Nicholson got so tired of explaining how the scene was actually done that they just started claiming that it was indeed real.

  • "Why me? Why me all the time?"

Quoted from Harvey Lembeck's character, Eric Von Zipper, from the American-International "Beach Party" series.

  • "I'm the guy with the snake on my face!"

Quoted from Harry, a character played by John Candy on SCTV.

  • "What's this?! The end of Master Ninja?! Tune in tomorrow: same ninja time! Same ninja station!" "Is it curtains for Van Patton?"

Parody of William Dozier's narration for Batman.

  • "Xanadu, stately home of Charles Foster Kane! Cost: no one can say."

Reference to Citizen Kane.

  • "She threw on a dashiki and blew my ninja mind."

Tom is saying a variation on a line from the trailer from the 1970s blaxploitation film Ghetto Freaks. The original line refers to an incident in which "...a freaked-out white chick in a dashiki blew his mind" (see also The Leech Woman).

  • "MEEENDOOOOZAAAAAA!!!!"

A quote from the Simpsons episode "Saturdays of Thunder" which contains an action movie parody in which an Arnold Schwartzenegger-type yells the name of his enemy in frustration.

  • "Before you put your coats on the top peg."

A quote from the "Sex Education" scene in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.

  • "You're in it now, up to your neck!"

Spoken by Gregory Peck in The Guns of Navarone.

  • "Michael, I need to be on the set of St. Elsewhere by 11."

Actor William Daniels, the voice of KITT on Knight Rider, also played Dr. Mark Craig on St. Elsewhere.

  • "No tears and no hearts breaking, no remorse."

A quote from the chorus of the Steely Dan song "Haitian Divorce".

  • "Ator? No!"

A call-back to the first episode of Season 3, Cave Dwellers, and its Conan knock-off hero Ator.

Video Release

Masterninja2dvd

Autographed DVD cover

Commercially released on DVD by Shout Factory in March 2011. It was released as Volume 20 along with the episodes Project Moon BaseThe Magic Voyage of Sinbad, and Master Ninja I.

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