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Master Ninja I

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322 - Master Ninja I
0322
Air Date January 11, 1992
AKA The Master (eps. "Max" and "Out-of-Time-Step")
Movie Director Robert Clouse ("Max"), Ray Austin ("Out-of-Time-Step")
Year 1984
Cast Lee Van Cleef, Timothy Van Patten, Sho Kosugi
Preceded by 321 - Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Followed by 323 - The Castle of Fu Manchu

Contents

The Movie

Synopsis

This really isn’t a movie, but instead is two episodes of a short-lived early ’80s action TV show called The Master. It’s about an old Ninja (Van Cleef) and his hot-headed American apprentice (Van Patten) as they travel around with a gerbil in a van looking for the Ninja's daughter and helping out people in trouble. The first part deals with the duo’s first meeting as they team up and help a girl (played by a very young Demi Moore) and her father (Claude Akins) save their private airport from corrupt businessmen and dirty cops. Part 2 deals with the duo helping an old guy and his two daughters save their nightclub from some more corrupt businessmen. [1]

Information

The Episode

Host Segments

Prologue: The Bots make up their own model car, and Magic Voice is a bit cranky.

Segment One (Invention Exchange): The Mads make Boil-In-A-Bag IVs, while Joel and the Bots make adult-oriented pop-up books.

Segment Two: Crow discusses the conspiracy that is...the "Van Patten Project"!

Segment Three: Crow, Tom Servo, and Joel have a war of background music.

Segment Four: Joel and the Bots demonstrate alternatives to numchucks.

Segment Five: The SOL crew starts their own funk-fusion action band to chase away the bad movie blues, and create the "Master Ninja Theme Song". Frank smothers Dr. F.

Stinger: Timothy Van Patten admits confusion, "To them it’s some kind of ritual."

Other Notes

Miscellanea

  • Unusual credits: Joel and the Bots sing the "Master Ninja Theme Song" instead of "Mighty Science Theater" being played.

Obscure References

  • "He learned too late that man is a feeling creature..."

A call back to It Conquered the World, specifically Peter Graves' enthralling ending monologue regarding Van Cleef's character in that movie.

  • "Mmmm..." "Ax!" "MAX!"

A reference to an Electric Company segment from the 1970s.

  • "I do like the John Cage soundtrack."

John Cage is an experimental music composer best known for his work 4'33", consisting of four minutes and thirty-three seconds of complete silence.

  • "Tonight on Bravo, Martha Graham's new dance company!"

Martha Graham was a modern dance choreographer.

  • "Cripes, those turtles moved in next door!"

Presumably a reference to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

  • "Meanwhile, in the movie '1941'..."

1941 was a 1979 comedy directed by Steven Spielberg.

  • "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Gerbil."

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer was a 1986 film loosely inspired by the confessions of Henry Lee Lucas.

  • "I hope Stephen J. Cannell was in that car."

Stephen J. Cannell was a prolific TV producer known for creating such series as The A Team, The Rockford Files, and Renegade.

  • "He looks about as much like a ninja as Irene Ryan."

Actress Irene Ryan is best remembered for playing Granny on "The Beverly Hillbillies".

  • "It's 'Over the Top'!"

Over the Top was a 1987 movie about arm wrestling starring Sylvester Stallone.

  • "I'll just die if they find my Tiger Balm!"

Tiger Balm is a brand of heat rub.

  • "He's a William Daniels wannabe!" "Michael..."

Actor William Daniels is best known for voicing KITT on "Knight Rider".

  • "A man's gotta know his limitations."

A line spoken by Clint Eastwood in Magnum Force.

  • "...lifted from 'Then Came Bronson'."

Then Came Bronson was a very short-lived TV series from 1969-1970.

  • "Looks like Edie Sedgwick fell asleep again!"

Edie Sedgwick, who appeared in several films directed by Andy Warhol, was severely burned in 1966 after falling asleep with a lit cigarette.

  • "He's the Ugly." "No, he's the Bad!"

Obviously a reference to The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, but more subtly, a reference to the infamous trailer which confused Van Cleef (the Bad) with Eli Wallach (the Ugly).

  • "Out you pixies go!"

A quote from Sheldon Leonard in It's A Wonderful Life: "That's it, out you two pixies go! Out the door or through the window."

  • "He broke ape law'"

Claude Akins (who plays Demi Moore's father in Master Ninja) played an ape in Battle for the Planet of the Apes.

  • "The ninja creeps in on little cat feet."

​Riffing the poem 'The Fog' by Carl Sandburg : "The fog comes / on little cat feet. / It sits looking / over harbor and city / on silent haunches / and then moves on."

  • "Quick! Take a turn here on Steven J. Cannell Boulevard!"

​Steven J. Cannell started as a writer for Adam-12 and Columbo, and went on to create such dreckish TV series as 21 Jump Street, The A-Team, Silk Stalkings, and Wiseguy. Make of that what you will. (Mitigating factor: he also co-created The Rockford Files. No one is allow to talk smack about The Rockford Files, dammit.)

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