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And now a Deep 13 holiday presentation, Pia Zadora in: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. Shield your eyes, Frank!
  — Dr. Forrester


The Movie

Main article: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (film)

Synopsis

Martians abduct Santa Claus and two Earth children in an attempt to bring joy to the children of Mars. Antics ensue.

The Episode

Host Segments

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Prologue: The Bots pore over expensive Christmas catalogs and tell Joel what they want for Christmas.

Segment One (Invention Exchange): The Mads reveal their devastating holiday invention, the Wish Squisher, which can turn any cool present into something horrifically lame. Joel and the Bots demonstrate their own Misfit Toys.

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Segment Two: Crow writes his own Christmas carol, "A Patrick Swayze Christmas". Thanks to some violent lyrics, Joel is not impressed.

Segment Three: Joel tricks Frank into sending up more Christmas specials. Some are good, and some are really, really bad.

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Segment Four: The SOL reads their Christmas essays. Crow reads "A Christmas Editorial", Tom reads the classic "A Child's Christmas in Space", Joel reads about 70's office parties, and Gypsy says it all.

Segment Five: The crew sings their own version of "Angels We Have Heard on High", goes through their stockings, and reads a nice holiday letter, while the Mads exchange gifts.

Stinger: Voldar laughs evilly.

Trivia

Callbacks

Quotes & References

  • "This is really cheap animation -- Clutch Cargo was better than this!"

Clutch Cargo was a television series notorious for its poor and limited - some might say disturbing - animation—the most striking example of this being the way the characters' mouths were "animated" simply by splicing in the filmed mouths of the actors performing the lines.

  • "Hi kids, this is Andy Henderson at the North Pole!" "No you're not, you're Rip Taylor."

A reference to the flamboyant comedian who was a fixture on 70s TV shows like The Gong Show.

  • Father Martian tells his children to go to bed and Crow responds in a little girl voice, "will you buy me a Golden Globe then?"

The little Martian girl was Pia Zadora's first role, but she is probably most famous for winning a Golden Globe for the 1982 film Butterfly even though it was a flop. Her husband was accused of buying off the judges to get the award and she was also awarded "Razzies" as "Worst New Star" and "Worst Actress" in the 1982 Golden Raspberry Awards. She won more "Worst Actress" awards and the Golden Raspberry Awards later named her Worst New Star of the Decade (1980-1989).

One of the Martians is named Momar, recalling Colonel Muammar al-Qadaffi, the notoriously anti-American dictator of Libya.

  • "Their ship runs on a Simon game."
  • "Stratego"
  • "You sunk my Battleship!"

These are all games of one type or another. Simon and Battleship are made by the Milton Bradley Company. Stratego is made by Hasbro. The former is now a wholly owned subsidiary of the latter.

  • "I want those kids *dead*! I want Santa's house burned to the ground!"

Servo is paraphrasing Robert De Niro as Al Capone in The Untouchables.

  • "Are you sure it's not The Fish Who Saved Pittsburgh?"

The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh was a 1979 movie starring basketball great Julius "Dr. J" Erving.

  • "Kimar is the Savings Place!"

"The Savings Place" was an advertising slogan used by Kmart during the 1980s.

  • "They've been reading The Bell Jar!"

The Bell Jar is an autobiographical novel about mental illness - major depression, specifically - written by Sylvia Plath.

  • "It's Big Jim McLain!"

Big Jim McLain was a 1952 movie starring John Wayne.

  • "You! Get Donna Rice on the phone! I'll get a camera!"

Donna Rice was the woman at the center of a sex scandal that ended the 1988 presidential ambitions of Colorado senator Gary Hart.

  • "Wait a minute, it's Warhol's Factory!"

During the 1960s, artist Andy Warhol was based out of a New York studio he called The Factory.

  • "Bennies! Dexies!"

Joel is referring to various slang terms used by pill abusers.

  • "With whipped cream!" "And other delights!"

Whipped Cream & Other Delights was a 1965 album by Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass.

  • "Sounds like the music from The Ghost and Mr. Chicken!"

The Ghost and Mr. Chicken was a 1966 movie starring Don Knotts.

  • "Hey, it's the Bugaloos!"

The Bugaloos was a TV show produced by Sid and Marty Krofft.

  • "I want my MTV..."

Servo is imitating Sting's backing vocals for the Dire Straits song "Money for Nothing".

  • Joel (as Voldar):"I like you, that's why I'm going to kill you last"

A nearly verbatim line from the movie Commando starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

  • "Santa Claus, you seem to have a nasty habit of surviving"

A paraphrased line from the movie Octopussy, said to James Bond.

  • "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Reference to a repeated phrase in a well-known sketch from Monty Python's Flying Circus.

  • Crow: "How ironic, I'm a victim of circumstance" Joel and the bots then chime: "Hello, hello, hello.....hello!"

References to The Three Stooges.

  • The Martians look through a telescope and the image shown resembles a snow globe to which Servo replies, "Rosebud" and makes a glass breaking sound in reference to a scene in Citizen Kane.
  • "Old man, take a look at my elf, I'm a lot like you."

A play on the the lyrics to the song Old Man by Neil Young: "Old man, take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you."

  • Santa Claus: "Oh me, oh my..." Servo: "By the bayou, me-oh, my-oh".

This is a reference to the song "Jambalaya (On the Bayou) " by Hank Williams, released in 1952, which includes such lyrics as "Dress in style, go hog wild, me oh my oh. Son of a gun, we'll have big fun on the bayou".

  • "Duh duh duh duh POW! Duh duh duh duh ZING! Duh duh OOF! Duh POW!! Duh duh CHOKE!"

Servo is mocking the fight scenes from the old Adam West Batman show, which had sound effect words imposed on top of the fights like the sound effects from fight scenes in the comic book.

  • "Some thing is wrong on Saturn 3!"

Saturn 3 is a 1980 sci-fi movie that takes place on a space ship where an android (built and programmed by a psychopath played by Harvey Keitel) runs amok.

  • "Until next time, Bumpus."

"Bumpus" was the name of the unsophisticated neighbor family in the film A Christmas Story. Their dogs were especially noisy and unruly.

Video Release

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