|813 - Jack Frost|
|Air Date||July 12, 1997|
The Crystal Star
|Movie Director||Aleksandr Rou|
|Cast|| Eduard Izotov|
|Preceded by||812 - The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!?|
|Followed by||814 - Riding with Death|
Russian fairy tale dealing with Ivan (Izotov) and Nastenka (Sedykh), who go through the strangest situations to be with one another. Ivan is transformed by a Mushroom Pixie into a bear and is almost baked by an evil witch who controls trees. Nastenka is given the Cinderella treatment by her mother and her sister, who is jealous of her long braided hair. Jack Frost (Khvylya) himself doesn't appear until late in the movie. 
- Mike and the bots riff "But I'm nine!" for the part when Ivan proposes to Nastenka - and indeed the actress does look young. In case you are wondering, the actress Natalya Sedykh was born in 1948 and so she was 16 or 17 when she filmed this movie. Either way she's going to be turning 63 in 2011, so stop worrying.
Host Segments Edit
- Prologue Michael Nelson is Lord of The Dance! With his footwork hidden behind the console Gypsy is underwhelmed.
- Segment 1 With Pearl away Brain Guy and Bobo argue about who's going to be in charge. Brain Guy teleports Mike down to help arbitrate. Brain Guy complains about Bobo's disgusting hygiene needs while Bobo counters that Brain Guy had B.O. Brain Guy is shocked to discover that he does in, in fact, have body odor despite not having a body. Mike uses Brain Guy's embarrassment to fast talk him into watching the movie on the Satellite of Love. Brain Guy teleports Mike back into his rightful place just before the movie starts.
- Segment 2 In order to better explain the cultural context of the movie Crow brings in Russian-American standup comic Yakov Smirnoff (Patrick Brantseg) on the Hexfield. His tired 80's humor about the USSR goes over poorly.
- Segment 3 Crow gets turned into a bear. Meanwhile Brain Guy and Bobo have found an uneasy peace. Eventually they find common ground for conversation discussing how awful Pearl is. Back on the Satellite of Love Crow has partially eaten Tom Servo. Mike scolds him for taking his bear simulations to the extreme.
- Segment 4 Crow finds an even worse person than Yakov Smirnoff to be his expert on Russian culture: a sausage wholesaler who doesn't even address them directly (Paul Chaplin)
- Final Segment Tom puts on a dress, glues large eyes to his dome and attempts to be cute. Unfortunately his cute manner of speech makes him impossible to comprehend. Bobo and Brain guy get drunk and begin to argue about which is the best ape movie ever made. The bring Mike down to settle the argument. Pearl returns with her own opinion on the ape movie issue.
- Stinger "Bring on my fiance!"
Quotes & References Edit
- "These names are all Russian for Alan Smithee."
- Alan Smithee was a traditional name used by directors who wanted to disavow any connection with a movie they had worked on.
- "Hey, Tom Petty."
- Tom Petty is an American singer, songwriter and musician. Mentioned because the actress playing evil stepsister Mafushka really does bear a strong resemblance to Petty.
- "It's all right if you love me..."
- First line of the Tom Petty song "Breakdown." The lyrics are here.
- "Hey, listen. It's Spock in really fast motion!"
- This is a reference to a major plot point in the Star Trek episode Wink of an Eye.
- "Ah, Roseanne."
- Reference to Roseanne Barr (also known, at various times, as Roseanne Arnold or simply as Roseanne), an American actress and comedian best known for her portrayal of plus-sized housewife/blue-colllar worker Roseanne Conner in the sitcom Roseanne.
- "Great, I'll bet Pippi Longstocking's in this."
- Pippi Longstocking is the lead character in a series of children's books by Swedish author Astrid Lindgren. In addition to books, Pippi has appeared in films and on TV--the Swedish TV series (1969-70) was re-edited into four feature films, which were released on American TV in the 1970s and 1980s; a Soviet film was made about Pippi in 1982; an American film about Pippi was released in 1988; an animated film was made in 1997; and HBO spun the animated film into a cable TV series (1997-1999). The reference seems to be due to Pippi's ubiquity in films and TV and a mistaken idea that Lindgren's books were set in Finland, rather than Sweden.
- "Is this a biopic of Holly Hobbie?"
- Holly Hobbie is an American writer and artist. Her most famous creation--a little girl with a large bonnet wearing a long, quasi-nineteenth century patchwork dress--is named for her.
- "I'm a domestic goddess."
- From Roseanne Barr: "I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word home-maker either. I want to be called Domestic Goddess." (There's also a 2003 book called How to be a Domestic Goddess: Baking and the Art of Comfort Cooking by Nigella Lawson.)
- "The moon is out, there's plenty of light..." "Chernobyl's on fire, it's great!"
- On April 26, 1986, a reactor exploded at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant. Subsequent explosions and a fire sent a radioactive plume of fallout--four hundred times that released by the bombing of Hiroshima--over much of Russia, Ukraine and Belarus, as well as large portions of northern, western and eastern Europe. It was the worst nuclear power plant disaster in history.
- "Back into Harpo's chest."
- Reference to the Marx brothers' movie, Duck Soup (1933). According to The Cut Worm, there's "a scene in which Pinky (Harpo) shows Firefly (Groucho) his tattoos. Firefly asks Pinky where he lives, and Pinky opens his shirt to show the tattoo of a doghouse on his chest. The camera moves in close to Pinky’s chest and suddenly the head of a dog emerges from the doghouse, and it barks."
- "This is the factory where they make Beanie Babies."
- Beanie Babies were small collectible stuffed animals that were, effectively, beanbags. Marketed by Ty Warner, they have been made in a number of Eastern countries, including China, Korea and Indonesia.
- "Jack Klugman!"
- Jack Klugman is an American actor of stage, screen and TV. He is best known for his role as chronic slob Oscar Madison in the long-running TV sitcom The Odd Couple.
- "M is for the many times you beat me. O is for the other times you beat me..."
- Parody of an old song by lyricist Howard Johnson (1887-1941) and musician Theodore Morse(1873-1924) called "M-O-T-H-E-R (A Word That Means the World to Me). There appear to be several versions of it. You really need to see the mawkish lyrics to appreciate Crow's line, so here they are:
- M is for the million things she gives me
- O means only that she's soft to hold
- T for the things she tries to teach me
- H is for her heart of purest gold
- E for her eyes with love light shining
- R means right, and right she'll always be--
- Put them all together they spell 'Mother,'
- A word that means the world to me.
- "Don't come around here no more..."
- First line of the Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers song "Don't Come Around Here No More." The lyrics are here.
- "Awww, Penny Marshall was an adorable child!"
- Penny Marshall is an American actress, comedienne, producer and director.
- Surge is a soft drink that contains (at least in Norway, where it is still sold) 14.5 mg of caffeine. Despite Mountain Dew containing more caffeine than Surge does, there is an urban legend which says that Surge has more caffeine than two cups of coffee. Hence, Tom Servo's comment when Nastinka knits Mafushka's socks at breakneck speed.
- "Danny Bonaduce IS Sleeping Beauty."
- Danny Bonaduce is a radio and TV personality, comedian, pro wrestler and actor. As a child actor, he was best known for his role as middle son Danny Partridge in the 1970-74 sitcom The Partridge Family.
- "As God is mah witness, Ah'll nevah go hungry again!"
- Slight misquote (and mimicry of) of the end of Scarlett O'Hara's climatic speech in Gone With The Wind (1939): "As God is my witness, as God is my witness, they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this, and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill--as God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again."
- "Boy, Ah say, boy!"
- Quote from (and mimicry of) the pompous cartoon rooster, Foghorn Leghorn.
- "Mmm, Claratin-D!"
- Loratadine (which is marketed under a number of names, including Claratin-D) is an antihistamene that fights allergies. The ads for it often feature scenes of nature, such as beautiful meadows and sunrises.
- "Now I gotta keep stirring the sauce, deliver these guns to Jimmy..."
- Crow is summarizing a passage from Goodfellas in which Henry Hill (Ray Liotta) says: "I was cooking dinner. I had to start braising the beef and veal shanks for the tomato sauce. It was Michael's favorite. I was making ziti with gravy...roasted peppers...string beans with olive oil, and beautiful cutlets...that were cut just right...that I was going to fry up as an appetizer. So I was home for about an hour. My plan was to start dinner early so I could unload the guns Jimmy didn't want."
- "Or me, Jerry Quarry!"
- Jerry Quarry (1945-1999) was a champion heavyweight boxer during the late 1960s. He won the National Golden Gloves award in 1965, when he was nineteen.
- "The Ozark Mountain Daredevils plan their next album."
- The Ozark Mountain Daredevils were a 1970s Southern rock band known for their long hair and beards.
- "Ivanushka! Try me on a Plazaburger!"
- The Plazaburger is a hamburger served at the Plaza Tavern in Madison, Wisconsin. It's just a hamburger with secret sauce on a long wheat bun--anything else (like lettuce, tomatoes or mushrooms) has to be requested separately and costs extra.
- "Yeah, that looks like Crazy Horse!"
- A reference to a monument to the Lakota warrior Crazy Horse being carved out of Thunderhead Mountain in South Dakota. The monument has been under construction since 1948, and is nowhere near finished.
- "Am I Kirok?"
- A reference to the Star Trek episode "The Paradise Syndrome".
- "Norman, the loons! Kill them!"
- A parody of a line from On Golden Pond. The actual line, spoken by Norman's wife, Ethel, is: "Come here, Norman. Hurry up. The loons! The loons! They're welcoming us back."
- "The minute you walked in the joint, ba-dum."
- This is a line from "Big Spender", a hit song from the Broadway musical Sweet Charity.
- "Do I look like Simon Le Bon?"
- "I have no time to speak to you. I've got to work!" "I'm a welder by day and a dancer by night!"
- An allusion to the 1983 movie Flashdance, in which the heroine, Alex Owens (played by Jennifer Beals), is indeed a welder in a steel mill by day and a dancer in a bar by night.
- Nastinka:"My name is Nastya." Ivan: "Nastya?" Servo: "Miss Jackson, if you're nasty!"
- Servo is quoting from Janet Jackson's song, "Nasty", which has the line, "My first name ain't baby, it's Janet, Miss Jackson if you're nasty!"
- "She looks like a Grey."
- Greys are allegedly small extraterrestrials with pale or grey skin, large heads and big eyes.
- (A piano riff plays, and Father Mushroom appears.) "Paul Williams!"
- Paul Williams (born September 19, 1940) is an award-winning pianist, singer, composer and lyricist. He's also known for being very short.
- Was her bucket full of Rogaine?"
- Rogaine is the brand name for minoxidil. It's sold as a cure for baldness/a hair restorer.
- "Damn it, Puck, this time you've gone too far!"
- Puck was a cast member on the reality show The Real World and was noted for contentious and obnoxious behavior.
- More likely a reference to Shakeseare's character Puck from "A Midsummer Night's Dream", who transform's the character Bottom's head into that of a donkey (a clear paralell to Father Mushroom's Bear-Head magic on the protagonist).
- "I've got to go find a pic-a-nic basket!"
- Allusion to the Hanna-Barbera cartoon character, Yogi Bear, who lives in Jellystone Park and survives by stealing picnic baskets from campers and tourists...which he always pronounces "pic-a-nic baskets."
- "Ivanushka!" "We have to register at Club Wedd!"
- Club Wedd is the wedding registry for Target, a chain of discount department stores.
- "Tonight, on a very special Grizzly Adams..."
- The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams was an NBC TV series which ran from March 2, 1977 to December 19, 1978. It told the story of a mountain man who had fled to the wilderness after being falsely accused of murder. His constant companion was an adult grizzly bear named Ben--hence, his nickname.
- "With Retsin. With Retsin. Again, with Retsin. Retsin."
- Crow is making fun of the Sparkling Teeth ads for Certs.
- "She shouldn't cry. There's always Jerry Lee Lewis or Jerry Seinfeld or Ben Kingsley.
- Jerry Lee Lewis's third wife, Myra Gale Brown, was the daughter of Lewis's first cousin. She married Lewis in December 1957, when he was 23 and she was 13. When in his late thirties, Jerry Seinfeld began dating then-seventeen-year-old Shoshanna Lonstein. (Ben Kingsley dated women appreciably younger than him for a while, but I can find no confirmation that any of them were underage.)
- "...get me some French-fried potaters, mmmm..."
- An impression of Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade.
- "From the land of sky-blue waters..."
- The jingle from a Hamm's Beer commercial from the 1950s.
- Beggar: "Charity, dear little sisters, dear little brothers, charity. Dear little sisters, dear little brothers, charity. Give us alms, for without us you could not prove your charity--" Crow: "Oh, great, Shakespeare in the park."
- Shakespeare in the Park is the common name for performances of Shakespeare in Central Park in the summer. The performances are done by repertory companies, and are available to the public for free. Crow makes the comment because the beggar honestly does sound like he's reciting a formal speech rather than begging any and all passers-by for money so that he can eat.
- Ivan: "*sigh* What kind of a good deed will I have to do?" Crow (singing): What kind of bear am I?"
- Crow is singing to the tune of "What Kind of Fool Am I?, a song written in 1962 by Leslie Bricusse (born 29 January 1931) and Anthony Newley (1931-1999). It closes Act One in the musical Stop the World -- I Want to Get Off. Crow's comment is particularly clever in that it not only highlights Ivan's melodramatic behavior but also comments on Ivan's personality, for the first two lines of the song are What kind of fool am I, who never fell in love?/It seems that I'm the only one I have been thinking of. Which is true--Ivan is only trying to do good deeds so that he'll be human again. He IS the only one he's thinking of.
- Crow: "Why is she putting Bisquick on her face?"
- Bisquick is a brand of baking mix put out by Betty Crocker. It was originally marketed as a quick way to make biscuits--hence the name--but it is now sold as a basis for a variety of foods, one of the most popular being pancakes.
- Mike (mimicking Nastya): "Why are you so mean to me, Tante Ernest Borgnine?"
- Ernest Borgnine (born January 24, 1917) is an Academy-award-winning American actor best known for his performances in movies and on TV. Mike says this because the actress portraying the evil stepmother genuinely does look like a fiftyish Ernest Borgnine in a babushka.
- Mafushka:"Mama--" Servo (mimicking her): Don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys!"
- Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys is a country song written by Ed Bruce and Patty Bruce, and popularized by a duet version sung by Waylon Jennings and Willie Nelson in 1978.
- "Alfalfa's greatest role."
- Carl Switzer (1927-1959) was a child actor who played the nerdy young romantic Alfalfa in the Our Gang short comedies from 1935 to 1940. The comment is probably made because Mafushka, like Alfalfa, is playing someone who doesn't look like she belongs in a romantic role at all.
- "It's like having Andrea Dworkin make you over!"
- Andrea Dworkin was a radical feminist writer whose critics frequently accused her of demonizing the entire male gender and claiming that all heterosexual intercourse was tantamount to rape.
- Stepmother (to Mafushka):"No, not a princess. You are a queen." Mike:"In that you look like Freddie Mercury."
- Freddie Mercury (1946-1991) was a British singer, songwriter, pianist and keyboard player, most famous as the lead singer for the band Queen.
- (As an old woman climbs on the back of the transformed Ivan) Crow: "It's Light Bear Transit!"
- Light rail transit is a kind of public transportation that, to quote Wikipedia, "generally has a lower capacity and lower speed than heavy rail and metro systems, but higher capacity and higher speed than traditional street-running tram systems." Also, there really is something called Bear Transit; it's the bus system for the University of California at Berkeley.
- (At the sight of a roasted pig with an apple in its mouth) Servo (begins sobbing):"Babe!"
- Babe, a likable pig who herds sheep, is the lead character in the Dick King-Smith book, The Sheep-Pig, the film Babe(1995) which was based on the book, and the sequel Babe: Pig in the City(1998).
- (describing Mafushka's prospective bridegroom and his mother)"Larry Drake and Vanessa Redgrave."
- Larry Drake is an American actor best known for playing the developmentally disabled Benny Stulwicz on L.A. Law from 1987 to 1994. The reference to the British actress Redgrave is more obscure. It may refer to her having portrayed women in a number of costume dramas, or to her 1994 role in Little Odessa (in which she plays the mother of a hit man for the Russia mafia).
- "Someday I'll be a REAL boy."
- Mafushka's being compared to Pinocchio because of her masculine appearance, the bright red circles on her cheeks that would look more appropriate on a clown or a puppet, and the fact that she's already planning on lying to her prospective bridegroom.
- "She makes Olivia Hussey look like Thelma Ritter."
- Both were actresses: Hussey(born April 17, 1951) is a dramatic actress well-known for her early role as Juliet Capulet in Franco Zeffirelli's 1968 version of Romeo and Juliet, played when Hussey was about seventeen, while Ritter (1902-1969) was a middle-aged character actress best known for her comedy work (pictured here, at right, with Doris Day in the 1959 movie Pillow Talk).
- "There's still one thing I have to do." "Join the band Nelson!"
- A reference to the pop-metal band Nelson, fronted by Ricky Nelson's twin sons, Matthew and Gunnar.
- "This is an Earth First! fantasy."
- Earth First! is a radical environmentalist group.
- "Robert Mapplethorpe's Strega Nona."
- Photographer Robert Mapplethorpe was known for the sadomasochistic content of his work. Strega Nona is a children's book about a witch who takes on a dim-witted helper.
- "Bob Keeshan is Mr. Natural."
- Bob Keeshan was "Captain Kangaroo," a children's TV host with a pageboy-style haircut. Mr. Natural was an alternative comics character with a long white beard (not to be confused with Mr. B Natural.)
- "It's the Crystal Cathedral North!"
- The Crystal Cathedral is a megachurch in Garden Grove, California founded by televangelist Robert Schuller.
- "Classic case of Munchausen by proxy syndrome!"
- Munchausen by proxy syndrome is a psychiatric disorder in which a person feigns illness on another person's part in order to gain sympathy.
- "It's a Mrs. Creosote!"
- Mr. Creosote was a gluttonous character in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.
|preceded by: Season 7||MST3K Season 8||followed by: Season 9|
|801||Revenge of the Creature||1997-02-01||809||I Was a Teenage Werewolf||1997-04-19||817||The Horror of Party Beach||1997-08-16|
|802||The Leech Woman||1997-02-08||810||The Giant Spider Invasion||1997-05-31||818||Devil Doll||1997-10-04|
|803||The Mole People||1997-02-15||811||Parts: The Clonus Horror||1997-06-07||819||Invasion of the Neptune Men||1997-10-11|
|804||The Deadly Mantis||1997-02-22||812||The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies||1997-06-14||820||Space Mutiny||1997-11-07|
|805||The Thing That Couldn't Die||1997-03-01||813||Jack Frost||1997-07-12||821||Time Chasers||1997-11-22|
|806||The Undead||1997-03-08||814||Riding with Death||1997-07-19||822||Overdrawn at the Memory Bank||1997-12-06|
|807||Terror from the Year 5000||1997-03-15||815||Agent for H.A.R.M.||1997-08-02|
|808||The She-Creature||1997-04-05||816||Prince of Space||1997-08-16|