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Code Name: Diamond Head

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608 - Code Name: Diamond Head
Air Date October 1, 1994
Movie Director Jeannot Szwarc
Year 1977
Cast Roy Thinnes, France Nuyen, Ward Costello, Eric Braeden, Ian McShane
Preceded by 607 - Bloodlust!
Followed by 609 - The Skydivers

The Short

A Day at the Fair


A farming family prepares for their yearly trip to the Indiana State Fair, both to show off their wares and suckle from the teat of the 3-H Club.


Obscure References

  • "Grazin' in the grass is a gas baby. can you dig it?"

A quote from the song "Grazing in the Grass" covered by The Friends of Distinction.

The Movie


This is the pilot for a show that never made it off the ground. There's no shortage of reasons why. Diamond Head, in typical Hollywood secret agent fashion, is a step behind the villain through the first two and a half acts. The problem is, it's not even remotely apparent that code name Diamond Head has the slightest idea what's going on. It's not so much that he's a step behind Tree, it's more that Diamond Head is doing his best to imitate Jimmy Stewart's character from The Man Who Knew Too Much. The one time that Diamond Head actually takes the initiative (and it only happens once), it's done in such an oblique fashion that he has to explain what he did to his man Friday (code name: Zulu). But don't worry, Lovejoy--err--Tree, will take time to explain all his clever maneuvers too. Otherwise you'd have no idea what's going on. The final scenes featuring a painfully slow chase from the naval base to the sailboat 'Dragon Lady'--yes, Dragon Lady--must be seen to be believed.

And that's just the plot-holes. There's also the ridiculous names. Johnny Paul? What kind of a name is that? Too immature to be taken seriously as "John Paul"? And code name "Diamond Head"? Implying what, exactly? That he's hardheaded? Dense? And "Tree"--there's a heckuva bizarre code name. At least it wasn't code name: Hydrangea. And Tso-Tsing? Should be Tso-Wat. Or Tsing-Tsong. Remember "M"? Well, this show's "M" is code named "Aunt Mary."

Then there's the art direction and set design. Why does Lovejoy have a cigarette holder? Tso-Tsing's hair goes from strange to ludicrous, before ending up all over the place. Quinn Martin paid a fortune to shoot on location in Hawaii, yet the movie abounds in scenes that could've been filmed in Indianapolis--or Long Island City.

Have fun trying to figure out why police officers are guarding a naval installation, why Aunt Mary meets Diamond Head on a sailboat, and try and figure out what the ring and soap mean before Diamond Head explains it to you.

If you're a fan of secret agents spouting off about politics and espionage, not one but two stuffy and pretentious lectures are delivered to the long suffering and long faced Tso Tsing.

If you love it when secret agents get one last chance to rescue the girl, don't worry, that's here too. Of course, Diamond Head and Aunt Mary might as well be talking about last night's baseball game for all their interest in the subject.

And if you can't stand love scenes, this show is for you. There aren't any. Not much action either. Just lots and lots of exposition.


The Episode

Host Segments

Prologue: Mike and the Bots marvel over how dirty others' lifestyles are as they are living in their own filth. They ponder a unknown smell.

Segment One: The Bots look for the source of the mystery odor. The Mads are grossed out by the SOL crew and end up trying to top each other in cleanliness. Mike and the Bots clean up the SOL.

Segment Two: Tom and Crow think Mike is too nice, so Magic Voice shows them what it would be like if Mike weren’t so nice. Mike spoofs Robert De Niro's character from the movie This Boy's Life.

Segment Three: Crow and Tom want to play, but Mike is too busy. Their complaints allow Magic Voice to show them what it would be like to live with a Crash Test Dummy.

Segment Four: Tom and Crow complain about Mike's cooking, and so Magic Voice shows Crow and Tom what it would be like to live with the Frugal Gourmet.

Segment Five: Mike and the bots have a luau on the SOL to celebrate the end of the movie. Tom dances the hula, interpreting a letter. The Mads are still obsessing about cleanliness.

Stinger: "Aaaahhh! Johnny! Down there!"

Obscure References

  • "He raises Dead End Kids!"

The Dead End Kids, later known by such names as the Little Tough Guys and the Bowery Boys, appeared in a series of comedy films beginning in the 1930s.

  • "Later, these moths turn up in the mouths of Bob's victims!"

A reference to the fictional serial killer Jame "Buffalo Bill" Gumb from The Silence of the Lambs, who placed Death's Head moths in his victims' mouths.

  • "Hi, I'm Jeanie at DeVry!"

A reference to a commercial for the DeVry Institute, a nationwide chain of adult-education centers, now known as DeVry University.

  • "Come back to AT&T. Where're you're 'Friends & Family' now?"

A reference to an long distance sales campaign launched by Sprint during the 1980s known as the 'Friends & Family' plan which directly targeted dissatisfied AT&T customers. This plan allowed a Sprint customer to make phone calls to any other registered 'Friend & Family' member for a discounted rate, and gave a bonus to any customer who recommended a new user to change to Sprint.

  • "Vatican II: The Final Reckoning!"

The Second Vatican Council (also known as "Vatican II") was held from 1962-65 and resulted in significant modernizations of the Catholic Church's doctrines and rituals.

  • "Mr. Woodman!" "Look, Kotter, I don't like your kids!"

Mike and Crow are commenting on an actor's resemblance to Mr. Woodman, the assistant principal from Welcome Back, Kotter.

  • "Turn it off! Turn it off!"

Crow is imitating George C. Scott in the 1979 movie Hardcore.

  • (singing) "Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep cheep cheep..."

​A song, aptly named 'Pick A Little, Talk A Little ', from the musical The Music Man .

  • "...going as John Waters!"

John Waters is a filmmaker who made a name for himself with intentionally offensive movies such as Pink Flamingos. One of his defining physical characteristics is his thin, well-groomed moustache.

  • "'The Eiger Sanction' had more Hawaiian locations that this movie!"

The Eiger Sanction is a 1975 thriller film starring Clint Eastwood as an assassin ordered to kill a mountain climber in the Swiss Alps.

  • "Rope had more Hawaiian locations than this movie"

Reference to the 1948 Hitchcock thriller set entirely in an apartment.

  • "I'm here for the Daniel Inouye fundraiser."

Daniel Inouye is a long-serving U.S. Senator from Hawaii.

  • "He's gonna have a Montclair Moment any minute now."

A reference to an old advertising campaign for Montclair cigarettes.

  • "Ted Turner in 'Frenzy'!"

Frenzy was a 1972 film directed by Alfred Hitchcock.

  • "Patch me through to Yarnell!" "And Shields!"

Shields and Yarnell were a mime duo who had their own variety TV show during the 1970s.

  • "We got a lot of money here, Mitchell!"

A line from Martin Balsam's character at the end of Experiment 512 Mitchell.

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