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Clay & Lars' Flesh Barn is a song from the episode Women of the Prehistoric Planet. It was written by Dr. Clayton Forrester and Dr. Laurence Erhardt to promote their new chain of fast-food restaurants, which serves raw, uncooked meat as its main menu item (despite all practical advice never to).

Set-up

(On the Satellite of Love)
Joel Robinson: Hey, sirs. Uh, wha--what's up?
(In Deep 13)
Dr. Erhardt: Our income if this new gig works out.
Dr. Forrester: Yes. Larry and I have developed a new chain of fast food restaurants with very low overhead because we don't cook our food.
Dr. Erhardt: 'Cause frying and broiling takes out a lot of the nutrients.
Dr. Forrester: Yes. Uh, if your body likes another body, why don't you try one of our burgers au naturel? It's, uh, ripped from the bone to your plate in seconds. It's "Clay and Lar's Flesh Barn". Ha, ha. Uh, make with the lyrics, Larry.
(Dr. Erhardt begins playing the guitar as Dr. Forrester holds up a scale model of their restaurant)

Lyrics

Dr. Erhardt: If you're tired of the same old fare,
You've got a friend named Clay and Lar.
All our meat is guaranteed rare
Because we don't cook it!
Dr. Forrester: (spoken) You see, cooking takes out all the flavor.
Dr. Erhardt: If you're tired of cookin' at home,
Try our meat right off the bone.
If you listen, you can hear it moan
Because we don't cook it!
Dr. Forrester: (spoken) Stunned, killed right at your table, eviscerated, very fresh.
Dr. Erhardt: Now, there's no need for you to drive through,
Our fresh meat will walk out to you.
You'll say hi, you'll say moo,
It's Clay and Lar's Flesh Barn.
Dr. Forrester: (spoken) Fifteen locations to serve you, now in Altoona.

Reprise

At the end of the episode, Dr. Erhardt plays a short reprise:

I think I'll file this thing for you
As I always seem to do
I like working for you Clay
'Cause you're a really neat guy.

Behind the Scenes

The model "Clay and Lar's Flesh Barn" restaurant seen in this sketch was later used as the "Home of the Big 'G' Burger" restuarant outside the Gizmonic Institute. It was made from an HO-scale Drive-In Kentucky Fried Chicken model. [1]



Songs
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Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K
Season 1 "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "Beverly Hillbillies Parody"
Season 2 "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "My Creepy Girl" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Season 3 "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Michael Feinstein's Gamera" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "The Waffle Song" • "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
Season 4 "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Hired!" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Happy Thoughts"
Season 5 "What a Pleasant Journey" • "The Janitor Song" • "Killer Shrew" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Joey the Lemur" • "Master Ninja Theme Song" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Mystos" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "The Greatest Frank of All"
Season 6 "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Who Will I Kill?" • "Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!" • "United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter"
Season 7 "Phones"
Season 8 "The Gods Jam" • "The Funky Seventies" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love" • "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms"
Season 9 "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Air on a Delta Knight" • "The Canada Song" • "Hobgoblins" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • " Puma Man"
Season 10 "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "To Earth"
Season 11 "Every Country Has a Monster" • "Our Love Is on Wings (You Can't See)" • "UFO" • "The Great Space Circus" • "Aloha" • "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ Theme"
Additional "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robot's Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "#BringBackMST3K Theme" • "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme" • "Satellite of Love"
Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIMystery Science Theater 3000: The Return (Music from the Netflix Original Series)Songs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3K

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