Entertainment
 

Agent for H.A.R.M.

From MST3K

815 - Agent for H.A.R.M.
Air Date August 2, 1997
Movie Director Gerd Oswald
Year 1966
Cast Peter Mark Richman
Carl Esmond
Barbara Bouchet
Preceded by 814 - Riding with Death
Followed by 816 - Prince of Space


Contents

The Movie

Synopsis

Agent for H.A.R.M.

East Germany, 1966: the Cold War is raging, and scientist Dr. Jan Stefanik has a secret biological weapon. He defects, on foot and in broad daylight, with a briefcase containing "spore-forming meteorite fragments" while being pursued by the Red Army (population: one). He makes it to the US, but not before his companion is killed by a gun that shoots said instant-flesh-eating spores into his face. Now Stefanik resides in a Section Eight beach house-cum-lab outside San Diego where he is working on a spore antidote. Living with him is his lovely Norwegian swimsuit-clad niece Eva whose existence he was unaware of until recently.

Just across the border in Mexico, a team from the Biological Warfare Commissariat of his former country has set up operations. It is led by the teeny, effete, milk-drinking, bow-tie wearing, neck-less, Peter-Lorre-esque Malko. They are planning an attack on America, and they are determined to obtain Stefanik's antidote formula.

The Commies are preparing to spray the spores on American crops and they are cooking up a batch. It's either spores or porridge they are making - (they use a big open kettle and they employ no gloves, face masks, air filters, or any other protection against the "deadly" spores that can instantly eat your face off).

Enter our hero, Adam Chance (hatchet-faced Mark Richman), agent for H.A.R.M. (Human Aetiological Relations Machine - Worst. Acronym. Ever). Adam is dispatched by boss Jim Grant (the aphasic, apparently plastered Wendell Corey, also seen in "Women of the Prehistoric Planet") to investigate the murder of Stefanik's uber-nerd lab assistant. Adam soon arrives at the beach house to kick ass and flirt with Eva in a truly discomforting age-inappropriate manner (Richman is 39 and seems older, much older). Stefanik welcomes Chance by serving him a cocktail in a test tube and the dope actually drinks it. Meanwhile, Eva is secretly talking to someone through her twenty-dollar off-the-shelf portable record player.

Chance proceeds to battle the bad guys as only an agent of H.A.R.M. can - wearing a canary yellow cardigan and welding goggles and riding a moped.

Action! See Chance drive well within the speed limit in his bland beige convertible.
Thrill! As Chance wields his risible collection of "cool" high-tech devices, such as the Norelco electric shaver / sound recorder and the "transistorcom with sonar tracing beam" location device.
Kvell! As Adam delivers "a bit of a squish-squash to the old wind tube" of a sweater-wearing preppie antagonist.

Watch Adam whiz around on his girlish motorcycle and maintain appliances. Most of all, consider how a yellow cardigan adds a minimum of twenty-five years to your apparent age.

Will Adam stop the Commies from obtaining the formula for the antidote and poisoning American apple pies? Will Adam's cardigan be successfully dry-cleaned?

WARNING: This is not a spy film. It's a spy film that overdosed on valium.

Information

  • Produced as a television pilot for a new spy series, it was given a theatrical release instead.
  • H.A.R.M. stands for "Human Aetiological Relations Machine." "Aetiology" is a British variant of "etiology," which is the branch of medical science concerned with causes and origins of diseases. This full wording is seen at the top of the world map in the very last scene of the movie. [1]

The Episode

Host Segments

Bobo defends Mike
  • Prologue Servo and Crow are extreeeeme! If you can call yoga and stamp collecting extreeeeme! Mike chooses rice. They learn that some things are hard to make extreme.
  • Segment 1 Mike is still not extreme until he disappears. He has been taken to a mysterious location where he is to be put on trial by the Intergalactic Tribunal for blowing up Deep Ape, The Observers' homeworld, and the Camping Planet. And a failure to yield. Mike inadvertently chooses Professor Bobo as his lawyer and Pearl as his prosecutor because the judge doesn't understand sarcasm.
  • Segment 2 Crow tries to bake a power saw into a torte. The trial continues below, with Pearl imaginatively using props to make her point. Bobo channels Matlock to help his defense abilities, decides the word "panties" must be used, and then declares his disdain for Mike.
  • Segment 3 Bobo calls on the Bots as character witnesses via video depositions. Tom's deposition never gets past the guest stars. Crow's is barely audible under the bleeping for expletives. Bobo accuses Gypsy of hersay in her deposition.
  • Segment 4 Tom and Crow search for legal loopholes to help Mike. Meanwhile, Brain Guy takes the stand as a witness to describe the destruction of his world, and takes the dramatics a bit far. Somehow, Bobo manages to poke a hole in his testimony using his deep and abiding love of...pie. Yes, pie.
  • Final Segment The Bots hold a candlelight vigil, awaiting Mike's execution. Ortega is a witness, although his testimony is somewhat limited. Bobo calls a Little Amish Boy to the stand, who denies Mike's crime; Pearl tries to break him with fudge. The judge reaches a verdict: Mike is guilty and is sentenced to death. However, since Mike is basically a likable guy, his sentence is commuted to 800 hours of community service.
  • Stinger A scientist is knocked almost unconscious.

Other Notes

Pearl makes her case

Guest Stars

Miscellanea

  • Unusual credits: Mike can be heard picking up trash through the credits.

Obscure References

Notes


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