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Patricksw

"(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" is a Christmas carol written by Crow T. Robot, first performed during Experiment #321 by Tom Servo, Crow and Joel Robinson.

Later, it is one of the songs performed by Joel Robinson, Jonah Heston and Emily Connor as they attempt to escape from Kinga Forrester.

Experiment #321[]

Set-up[]

[On The Satellite of Love]

Crow T. Robot: Okay, now if you all look at your sheet music, we can rehearse my new song.
Joel Robinson: You wrote a Christmas song?
Crow T. Robot: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition!
Tom Servo: Wait a minute, "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"?
Crow T. Robot: Uh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, Road House.
Tom Servo: C'mon, what the heck does Patrick Swayze have to do with Christmas?
Crow T. Robot: Hey, you keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine, okay?
Joel RObinson: C'mon, Servo. It seems like a nice enough sentiment. We can give it a shot. C'mon.
Crow T. Robot: All right, all right. Okay: 12/8 time, key of A-flat major... Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? You're parts are written out. "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" by Crow T. Robot.
Joel Robinson: "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?
Crow T. Robot: Right. Hit it, Cambot!

[music starts]

Tom Servo: Oh. Oh, I start. I get it.

Lyrics[]

TOM
Open up your heart and let the
Patrick Swayze Christmas in

CROW
We'll gather at the Road House
With our next of kin

JOEL
And Santa can be
Our regular Saturday Night thing

ALL
We'll decorate a barstool
And gather 'round and sing

TOM
Oh
Let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas this year!

CROW
Or we'll tear your throat out
And kick you in the ear

Joel Robinson: Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it.

[music stops]

Joel Robinson: Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.
Crow T. Robot: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?
Joel Robinson: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.
Crow T. Robot: Well, then grab hold of your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!
Tom Servo: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot.

[music resumes]

Tom Servo: Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.
Crow T. Robot: Thank you.

TOM
It's my way or the highway
This Christmas at my bar

CROW
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if
You bastards touch my car

JOEL
I got the word that Santa has been
Stealing from the till

ALL
I think that that right jolly old elf
Better make out his will
Oh
Let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas one and all

And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them all!

TOM
La la la la la la
Ha ha!

Crow T. Robot: How long before it becomes a standard?
Joel Robinson: I think you've gotta come with me. C'mon!

[Joel drags Crow out]

Tom Servo: We'll be right back. Save a leg for me! Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Experiment #1313[]

Set-up[]

[On the Satellite of Love, having just played "Hooray for Santa Claus"]

Joel Robinson: Whoa, how we doin'?
Jonah Heston: We don't have enough momentum. We're not gonna make it.
Emily Connor: Oh, no, come on, you guys. We can do this. We just need to pick up the pace.
Joel Robinson: Ooh, I got it. Let's do "Patrick Swayze Christmas". That'll give us the boost we need.
Jonah Jeston: Good. Good idea. Here we go. Ready?

Lyrics[]

EMILY
Open up your heart and let the
Patrick Swayze Christmas in
We'll gather at the Road House
With our next of kin

And Santa can be
Our regular Saturday Night thing
We'll decorate a barstool...

[In Moon 1]
Kinga Forrester: Ha, ha ha. Look at 'em, Max. It's pathetic.

[On the Satellite of Love]

ALL
This can be the haziest

EMILY
And this can be the laziest

ALL
This can be the laziest

Emily Connor: Oh, no. Something's wrong. We're not getting enough thrust.
Joel Robinson: Oh, there must be something wrong with the automatic pilot or maybe the percussive drive.
Jonah Heston: No, there's nothing. Just keep playing, you two.

[On the Simulator of Love]
Crow T. Robot: Now, this is Must See TV.
Tom Servo: Are we TiVo-ing this?
GPC-2: TiVo? How old are you?

[The Satellite of Love and The Pretty Lady crash on the Moon's surface]

[In Moon 1]
Kinga Forrester: Oh, Maxie-poo... Ready The Christmas Dragon. Again.

[On the Satellite of Love]
Joel Robinson: I got it. You guys know "O Holy Night"?
Jonah Heston: Oh, Joel. That's too slow.
Joel Robinson: Not the way the Trans-Siberian Orchestra does it. Count me off!
Jonah Heston: Yeah! One. Two. Three. Four.

[hosts start performing "O Holy Night"]

Credits[]



Songs
edit
Series "MST3K Love Theme" • "Mighty Science Theater"
Season K "O Tannenbot" • "Theme to Fugitive Alien" • "Has-Been Actors" • Joel's military cadence
Season 1 "Beverly Hillbillies Parody" • "Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn" • "Commando Cody Song" • "I'm a Hu-Man"
Season 2 "Sidehackin'" • "Only Love Pads the Film" • "My Creepy Girl" • "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World" • "Wild Rebels Cereal" • "I Like What I Know About You" • "Joey the Lemur" • "The Jet Jaguar Song" • "Godzilla Genealogy Bop"
Season 3 "Tibby, Oh Tibby" • "Idiot Control" • "Music from Some Guys in Space" • "A Clown in the Sky" • "Sandy Frank Song" • "Hike Your Pants Up" • "The Plate Spinning Song" • "Celebrity Siblings" • "The Gamera Song" • "Annoying Cornjob Song" • "The Many Tunes of Gamera" • "Slow the Plot Down" • "The Waffle Song" • "Fugitive Alien Medley" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas" • "Master Ninja Theme Song" • "Satellite of Love Marching Song"
Season 4 "City Rap" • "Oh, Kim Cattrall" • "A Danger to Myself and Others" • "Killer Shrew" • "Tribute to Pants" • "Ode on Estelle" • "Happy Thoughts" • "Gypsy Moons" • "Gypsy Rose Me" • "Hired!"
Season 5 "What a Pleasant Journey" • "Girl in Lovers Lane Theme" • "The Janitor Song" • "My Wild Irish Ireland" • "Tubular Boobular Joy" • "Whispering Christmas Warrior" • "Merry Christmas...If That's Okay" • "Mystos" • "The Greatest Frank of All"
Season 6 "Cosmic Freight Train" • "Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter" • "Square Dance" • "Livin' in Deep 13" • "Tom Servo's Theme Song" • "Crow T. Robot's Theme Song" • "Mike Nelson's Theme Song" • "The United Servo Academy Men's Chorus Hymn" • "The Poopy Suit Anthem" • Supercalafragalisticexpiala-wacky!: "I'm the Government" / "I'm the Crime Bill" / "Government Gridlock" / "The Foreign Policy Blues" • "Bouncy Upbeat Song" • "Who Will I Kill?"
Season 7 "Phones" • "Leave Bronx"
Season 8 "Satellite Hootenanny" • "Digger Smolkin Medley" • "When I Held Your Brain in My Arms" • "The Funky Seventies" • "The Gods Jam" • "Sodium!" • "Loving Lovers Love"
Season 9 "Pumaman" • "Where, Oh Werewolf" • "Stay!" • "Hobgoblins" • "The Canada Song" • "Rowsdower Saves Us" • "Air on a Delta Knight"
Season 10 "Oh, I Am Sad" • "Bobo Creek" • "The Ballad of Goosio" • "To Earth"
Season 11 "Every Country Has a Monster" • "Our Love Is on Wings (You Can't See)" • "UFO" • "The Great Space Circus" • "Aloha" • "Moon 14 Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ Theme" • "The Magic in You" • "Push Past the Hurting (When a Movie Hurts Too Much)
Season 12 "Get in Your Mech" • "Trippy Blob" • "Concepts!" • "Below the Dam" • "There's a Cut on My Hand and a Pain in My Heart" • "Your Horrible Show (Your Show Stinks)"
Season 13 "Perico March" • "Mother Crabber" • "Sing a Song for Jiger" • "Supervillainesses" • "Monster RSVP" • "Hooray for Santa Claus" • "(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas"
Additional "Satellite of Love" • "1997 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "1998 Academy of Robots Choice Awards Special" • "1998 Summer Blockbuster Review Theme" • "#BringBackMST3K Theme" • "#WeBroughtBackMST3K Theme" • "Teen Reporter, Tom Servo"
Collections Clowns in the SkyClowns in the Sky IIClowns in the Sky I & IIMST3K: The ReturnSongs in the Key of MSTThe New Themes of MST3KThe Complete Clowns in the SkyMST3K Seasons 12 + 13
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